Judy K: Hi Sister Susan, I haven’t received the topic for tomorrow night’s chat. Please help!

Oct 5 2014, 7:05 PM

Sister Susan Marie: We did not select a chat topic as I was away but we can talk about Respect Life Sunday or anything you may want!

Sister Susan Marie: How about Watching our words?

as a topic

Sister Susan Marie: http://visitationspirit.org/2014/10/watching-our-words-oct-guard-of-honor/

Watching our Words: Oct Guard of Honor | Visitation Spirit

Sister Susan Marie: Applies to us all!

Sister Susan Marie: “He who does not sin by language, says the apostle St John, is a perfect man. –

Sister Susan Marie: Indeed, just a word can ruin a reputation, throw discord in the family, light a real fire, scandalize our brother, hurt his soul, and even kill him. It is frightening to think of the multitude of sins where language is the source. Even very religious people have a need for extreme vigilance in this regard. It is so easy to hurt charity in conversations, blurting out words in a whisper, impatience, backbiting, blaming, criticizing, … not to mention all the unnecessary and indiscreet words.

Daw: Hello Sister…I seem to be still having computer problems but if you can read this I would like very much to talk about our talking’

Sister Susan Marie: Being master of language implies a great virtue. It costs extremely at certain times on certain occasions sometimes it even takes heroism especially when the heart is bubbling when a word would justify us or confuse an enemy!

Oct 5 2014, 7:33 PM

Sister Susan Marie: Ok! We all struggle with this area surely and maybe we can give tips to each other

Sister Susan Marie: I used to get caught up into difficulty when an inquiring manipulative type of person asks too many questions I should not answer

Daw: today was difficult talking with someone who is grieving loss of their mother. I ended feeling I had said to much or wrong thing

Sister Susan Marie: See that is what happens- but if it was well received by the person don’t feel too discouraged

Daw: the article you have here watching our words was very thoughtful…helpful

Guest779 (guest): Sometimes it is best to just be there with the person. Hold his/her hand and just listen to what they are saying. In such situations, no words will do. Simply offer to pray for them and the deceased and ask if you can do anything for them.

Sister Susan Marie: Yes- that is a translation of the actual words of our Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart Bernaud who started the Guard of Honor

Guest473 (guest): And it appears to me that talking about talking is a very important subject.

Sister Susan Marie: Yes talking gets most of us in trouble sometimes

:

Guest779 (guest): I guess we all need to observe something akin to “Engage brain before opening mouth.”

Daw: being more quiet and listening to others sounds good to do…but does anyone ever feel this spirit of having to speak?

Oct 5 2014, 7:41 PM

Sister Susan Marie: What do you do when someone asks a question and the answer is confidential so you cannot reply but they don’t give up trying in subtle ways

Guest779 (guest): Change the subject.

Sister Susan Marie: Sometimes we must speak out- for justice’s sake

Guest473 (guest): I don’t know where it was that I recently read a long list of rules for living a holy life. Only ONE stood out for me: to keep talking SHORT. 42 PM

Car: I have been confused several times on my visits-when it seemed someone’s confidence was not being kept. What to do when it’s not possible to change the conversation?

Sister Susan Marie: Yes! ” “Jesus was silent” (Mark 14, 61): this is the model that all the saints have copied! ”

Sister Susan Marie: Or like me not clever enough to change it- at least quickly?

Guest473 (guest): Whew! That is not my strength. I want all details clarified.

Guest779 (guest): REmember this one–Wise old sitting in an oak, the more he heard the less he spoke, the less he spoke the more heard. Why can’t be like that wise old bird!

Car: Ooh, I like that, except when I stay quiet people accuse me of being rude…

Guest473 (guest): There I heard that rhyme from my grandmother — who loved to talk. 7:44 PM

Guest779 (guest): You might end up being more rude if you were to speak

Car: How did you know? Because if I feel provoked, I can get pretty brusk.

Sister Susan Marie: Being labeled or called names is very hard to take

Guest779 (guest): I didn’t know. It is a generalization. 46 PM

Daw: I choose “Jesus was silent”…and maybe there is a way to be so while still conveying love:

Sister Susan Marie: Eyes, kind gestures, even a heartfelt smile, can convey love and disarm inquisitiveness I think

Car: I wonder how that would work. I’m mentally trying it out in the last situation I got myself into trouble in and I just see me getting calling disrespectful AND rude

Sister Susan Marie: Sometimes the antagonist is not a disputant of good will. We always need good will

Sister Susan Marie: and Jesus did speak out- and His words sometimes cut to the quick- He knew how to speak what was needed. I guess we don’t always have that ability

Car: yes, you are right Sister. There was no way for me to win that situation. But I will listen carefully to you here for the future.

: I did try to speak that way, but it was too hard for the person, who was not ready to hear

Daw I’ve been carrying around this form St Catherine of Siena: those who are scandelized and rebel against what happens to them: Everything comes from love, All is ordained for the salvation of man, God does nothing without this goal in mind.

Guest779 (guest): James refers to the tongue as a little organ which can light a terrific fire. And in the Psalm 141:3 it says, “Set a guard, Lord, before my mouth, a gatekeeper at my lips.” Perhaps we need to ask the guidance of the Holy Spirit before we speak,

Oct 5 2014, 7:52 PM

Car: I am comforted when I pray that God use what happened, even what each of us did wrong (especially me!) to bring about greater good for both of us

Sister Susan Marie: The problem is there is no general one way to approach situations- but the heart of love- if we have that- can eventually penetrate thru our words, or our silence I believe

: Yes, and I agree about calling on the Holy Spirit!

Daw: yes, I guess that is from Divine Providence. well I think these things that happen- others gossiping about me etc DO cause me to turn to Him

Oct 5 2014, 7:54 PM

Sister Susan Marie: The Direction of Intention before each encounter, placing all before the Lord for His glory with the aid of His Spirit is a good way to live life

Sister Susan Marie: I was reading ahead on the Magnificat book when I was in the plane and you are echoing something I read Caryl Houselander say- that suffering happens so we can break thru with love- or something like that

Sister Susan Marie: My God, I give you this day. I offer you now, all the good that I shall do and I promise to accept, for the love of you, all of the difficulty that I shall meet. Help me to conduct myself during this day in a manner pleasing to you.”

Sister Susan Marie: That’s the Salesian Direction of Intention

Oct 5 2014, 7:58 PM

Guest473 (guest): Confidences: I am a psychiatrist and live in a small town. It is not permissible for me even to admit that I have seen/treated any particular person. It has happened that I was at breakfast after Mass with a group of people who thought they knew what had happened with a particular patient I saw in the hospital. They had the story entirely wrong. I could say NOTHING about what had happened though I was very tempted to correct a lot of false rumors. I bit my tongue, prayed, and after a long while said, “S

Oct 5 2014, 7:58 PM

Guest779 (guest): James also says “…everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of a man does not accomplish the righteousness of God.” I must keep this in mind tomorrow when I have go to battle, as it were, with a state agency.

Sister Susan Marie: That is very difficult.. and not to make a slip..

8:00 PM

Car: It is nearly impossible for me. I am the one who wants to correct injustice, but that kind of confidentialty can never be betrayed

Sister Susan Marie: In my work I need to keep confidences too, tho not of the nature of yours- so I try to say little because my mind can forget what is a confidence and what is not, after a while

Guest473 (guest): I did it again wrote so much that the end was cut off — twice.

Guest779 (guest): Anyone out there have the problem with blurting out “O my G__!

Sister Susan Marie: Yes chat only takes so many words- keeps us in line!

Guest473 (guest): Good training! M

Sister Susan Marie: The more you hear people blurt things out the more likely you will repeat them and do the same

Sister Susan Marie: We are blessed in the Monastery with a minimum of that- and if I do go out on occasion, what i hear!!!

Guest779 (guest): And don’t realize until after you have said it. I have been working very hard on this. I hear so many people saying this and I wonder if they realize that they are breaking the commandment.

PM

Sister Susan Marie: It’s like a pet phrase or something- even our elementary school kids have the habit

Daw I think about the cloistered nuns…is there a part of Visitation sisters who are cloistered?

Guest473 (guest): What I do when I hear something inappropriate is turn it into a voiced prayer. O my God, have mercy on us/her/him. O my God, be praised for all the love you show to your people.

Oct 5 2014, 8:05 PM

Car: no, to them it’s just an expression

Sister Susan Marie: We are all cloistered except different types- papal vs constitutional

Sister Susan Marie: And some chose to redefine it

Sister Susan Marie: And one community never had enclosure

Guest779 (guest): Maybe we need to put a sign in classrooms “God” is not an expletive. It is the holy name of the Creator of the world. Revere it.

Sister Susan Marie: But the “First Federation” has papal enclosure and live it most strictly.

Car: is Brooklyn a papal enclosure?

Sister Susan Marie: The Monasteries with schools have constitutional and also each have their own statutes of enclosure based on their school needs

Sister Susan Marie: Brooklyn lives pretty strictly but we have a school so it is constitutional with statutes

Mary Roberta Viano: We refer to our community as “semi-cloistered.”

Oct 5 2014, 8:07 PM

Sister Susan Marie: Hi Sr M Roberta!

Oct 5 2014, 8:07 PM

Guest473 (guest): I realize that to them its just an expression, but my prayer though it may get me labeled as some sort of a wierdo also may get people thinking about the way they use God’s name.

Guest779 (guest): The enclosed life is so beautiful, I wish I had the vocation but know that I do not. How can I develop a cloistered heart?

Oct 5 2014, 8:08 PM

Car It is a wonderful witness, to remind people that Jesus is real

Oct 5 2014, 8:08 PM

Daw: Hi Sister M Roberta…was just thinking of your response couple weeks ago Brooklyn for retreat

Sister Susan Marie: Read the book the Cloisrtered Heart by Nancy Shuman and go to her website

Oct 5 2014, 8:09 PM

Mary Roberta Viano: Good idea. Swearing is so instinctual, I have to monitor it closely.

Sister Susan Marie: http://www.thecloisteredheart.org/

The Cloistered Heart

Sister Susan Marie: http://www.thecloisteredheart.org/2014/10/today-we-need-grille.html

The Cloistered Heart: Today, We Need the Grille

Guest779 (guest): Thanks, Sister. I’ll check it out.

Oct 5 2014, 8:10 PM

Daw: thank you Sr…many treats today here

PM

Mary Roberta Viano: You mean trick-or-treat already, Daw?

Guest779 (guest): More like spiritual tidbits, perhaps.

Daw: hahaha…no using treats as those little edifying messages or words spoken or suggestions

Oct 5 2014, 8:12 PM

Guest473 (guest): Thanks for the reference. But the grille! To me that’s something to cook on, especially over an open fire.

Mary Roberta Viano: Wouldn’t that be nice: to give each kid at the door a written promise to say a rosary for him or her, instead giving him/her a piece of chocolate?!

Car: It does seem odd to close oneself off from people to such an extreme. Did the early hermits also figuratively put themselves behind the grille?

Sister Susan Marie: I quote her ” The grille is a powerful symbol. I would go so far as to say that, in the cloistered heart way of life I’m describing, it is the important symbol. It is a place of separation and, just as importantly, it is a place of encounter. It is only through the grille that some cloistered individuals (in a number of communities) connect with the world.”

Daw: that is a lovely idea ( rosary notes) PM

Mary Roberta Viano: The early hermits put themselves in the desert – away from everyone. :15 PM

Mary Roberta Viano: Yes, I like to see the grille as enclosing a place of encounter. 5 PM

Car: But didn’t everyone find them anyway? for direction, confession etc? How did they keep themselves separated?

Oct 5 2014, 8:15 PM

Guest779 (guest): 473, you are thinking of a grill. That’s the one for cooking over an open fire. The grille is the screen that separates cloistered nuns from their visitors.

Guest473 (guest): How does one give a “holy kiss” — today sometimes called a “holy hug” through a grill?

Mary Roberta Viano: At least there weren’t any highways into the desert during those years!

Guest779 (guest): Clasping hands might do it.

Mary Roberta Viano: Our grilles nowadays are more like high counters, surrounded by grill-work.

Sister Susan Marie: The grille is the Will of God- see all thru His eyes

Car: because we are hidden in Him and He is acting through us?

Guest473 (guest): Whew! That’s a tough one.

Mary Roberta Viano: That’s a powerful image, too: God’s will for me is God’s grille.

Oct 5 2014, 8:18 PM

Guest779 (guest): If we have given the Lord control of our lives, we will continue to be touched by others because He sometimes works through them.

Guest779 (guest): OOO, Car, we think somewhat alike!

Mary Roberta Viano: Right! I’ve found He ALWAYS works through others.

Car: we do tend to think along the same lines. makes me wonder if we share the same charism

Guest473 (guest): By “touched by [your] sisters” what exactly do you mean?

Mary Roberta Viano: As Father said at Mass today, what I criticize in others is what I dislike in myself.

PM

Car: Oh, Sr Mary Roberta!!!! How often has Jesus said that very thing to me? Oh, at least a thousand!

Mary Roberta Viano: So, then I take a closer look at my faults and try to correct them, hopefully.

Oct 5 2014, 8:21 PM

Guest473 (guest): My strengths are my weaknesses and my weaknesses are my strengths.

Car: Yes, and it keeps me from pridefully focusing on what’s wrong with the other. As if I really knew.

Mary Roberta Viano: “When I am weak, then I am strong.”

Oct 5 2014, 8:22 PM

Guest473 (guest): Persistent or stuborn, e.g.

Guest779 (guest): When someone “touches” us, it means that what they have said or done strikes a chord within us and prompts some kind of reaction, either explicit or implicit,

Mary Roberta Viano: Able to lovingly adapt to others – to bend my will some.

Mary Roberta Viano: So, being touched, we change for the better.

Oct 5 2014, 8:24 PM

Guest779 (guest): Weaknesses can help to keep us humble. Maybe that is why Paul rejoices in his weaknesses.

Sister Susan Marie: Yes in fact St Francis de Sales says to “love our abjection(weakness)”

Guest779 (guest): Doesn’t it seem that so many things come back to humility?

Car: that is hard for me because we are taught to despise our faults

Oct 5 2014, 8:26 PM

Mary Roberta Viano: and that’s our Visitation charism: deep humility before God and great gentleness toward our neighbor.

Mary Roberta Viano: The first leads to the second.

Sister Susan Marie: Humility is such a primary virtue- all the saints exhort us to learn to be humble

Mary Roberta Viano: My quote for the day from SFdS is: “Humiliations very often precede and open the way to humility.”

Car: but true humility is knowing the truth about ourselves, not just allowing ourselves to be treated poorly?

Oct 5 2014, 8:29 PM

Sister Susan Marie: Good contrast- humiliation vs humility

Daw: so to thank our God for every trial and humiliation we go through….( thinking outloud)

Mary Roberta Viano: That’s one thing I’ve learned as a religious: try not to defend yourself when anyone criticizes you. That’s hard. 8:29 PM

Car: especially for me!

Mary Roberta Viano: That’s another reason cloister is so difficult: You can’t get away from the other (cf., St. Therese of Lisieux!). PM

Daw: it is hard. maybe to just say every time “thank you Jesus”

Car: And try to mean it! Though with His grace it will one day be true, Dawn

Oct 5 2014, 8:32 PM

Mary Roberta Viano: A priest I knew defined humility as: not thinking little of yourself, but rather thinking of yourself very little.

Guest779 (guest): Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make our hearts like unto thine.” M

Guest779 (guest): Sister Mary Roberta, I like that one.

Mary Roberta Viano: Yes, one of our sisters always said THANK YOU, JESUS, when anyone complained about or complimented her.

Mary Roberta Viano: God means it all to help mold us into Christ’s likeness, right? M

Guest779 (guest): Yes, may the Divine Potter have His way with us.

Car: Yes, but it’s hard when the criticism or opposition is wrong not to be stiff necked about it

Mary Roberta Viano: So, let’s pray this week that we be good clay in the Potter’s Hands!

Oct 5 2014, 8:36 PM

Car: Amen!

Daw: Amen

Guest779 (guest): Have a blessed week, everyone!

Oct 5 2014, 8:36 PM

Sister Susan Marie: Good night and God bless you!