Sister : WHAT CHARACTERISTICS MAKE YOUR SPIRITUAL FRIENDSHIPS DIFFER FROM OTHER FRIENDS?
Guest 1: Yes, what constitutes holy friendship
Jun 3 2012, 7:57 PM
Guest 2: Good question.
Jun 3 2012, 7:58 PM
Sister : Yes, St Francis de Sales is quite advanced I think when he speaks of it as stemming from the Trinity
Jun 3 2012, 7:58 PM
Guest 1: This is something that I have not heard before
Jun 3 2012, 7:58 PM
Sister : That the love of friends should be of the dynamic of self giving of the Holy Trinity
Jun 3 2012, 7:58 PM
Guest 1:Totally other-focussed?
Jun 3 2012, 7:59 PM
Sister : Just think about the different dynamics between say, work friends and those from a parish prayer group perhaps
Jun 3 2012, 7:59 PM
Sister : Yes other focused and also that strong presence of Christ that comes thru in a spiritual friendship
Jun 3 2012, 7:59 PM
Guest 1: Oh yes, you would be extremely cautious about what you said to a work friend, but you can be yourself with a parish friend.
Jun 3 2012, 8:00 PM
Guest 2: I really feel the strong prescence of Christ with those in my prayer group…I wasn’t sure what to call it. Glad you put it into words!
Jun 3 2012, 8:00 PM
Sister : And the sense of non-exclusiveness there
Sister : St Francis: By rooting our understanding of spiritual friendship in the Trinity, Francis is able to draw out of it an almost inexhaustible richness. In the love of friendship which exists in the Trinity, persons are safeguarded even though they are continually communicating themselves to each other. In this friendship, the identity of each is never lost or overshadowed by the other. This has very positive implications for human friendship.
Jun 3 2012, 8:05 PM
Sister : In order to enter into a spiritual friendship, people have to accept themselves as they are. We have to first be a friend to ourselves before we can become a friend to another. True friendship modeled after that of the Trinity requires that friends have a very profound respect for each other.
Jun 3 2012, 8:05 PM
Sister : This happens more in a prayer group setting or in a parish than work or neighborhood
Jun 3 2012, 8:05 PM
Guest 1: Why do you think that is, since we are called to be light?
Jun 3 2012, 8:06 PM
Sister : Mutuality?
Guest 1: That could be. Perhaps mutuality takes longer to develop in neighborhoods and work enviromnents?
Jun 3 2012, 8:07 PM
Sister : Intentionality as well- living for Christ, all in agreement
Jun 3 2012, 8:08 PM
Guest 1: that sounds so difficult
Jun 3 2012, 8:08 PM
Guest 2: This is interesting because recently I’ve noticed that if I’m second guessing myself or doubting how much of a friend I can be, my friendships actually become more awkward. Does that make sense?
Jun 3 2012, 8:08 PM
Sister: Yes because it is more self oriented rather than other oriented
Jun 3 2012, 8:09 PM
Sister : But it is all difficult unless we are praying together I think
Jun 3 2012, 8:09 PM
Guest 1:instead of worrying about how we are doing we should pray and ask what we should do?
If you are in a parish type group, then the first action could be prayer setting the tone for the rest of the gathering
Sister: have they read the Introduction to the Devout Life in any sort of lay group, with you
Jun 3 2012, 8:15 PM
Sister: That has a fine section on St Francis’ understanding of friendship.
Jun 3 2012, 8:16 PM
Guest 2: Not in a group (they covered that years ago before I moved here apparently). But I own a copy and have read it through once. I browse certain sections from time to time.
Jun 3 2012, 8:16 PM
Guest 2: I’ll have to go back tonight and look that up. I had forgotten it was in there.
Jun 3 2012, 8:16 PM
Sister: That’s a good resource then
Sister : He goes into false friendships too. Once you read it you can recognize those that one might have had like that in life
Jun 3 2012, 8:18 PM
Sister : Most of the “networking” in business today be fall in that category
Jun 3 2012, 8:18 PM
Guest 1: Is that because the networking contacts are just for what you can get out of each other?
Jun 3 2012, 8:19 PM
Sister : Exactly! That is no basis for spiritual or even true friendship
Jun 3 2012, 8:19 PM
Guest 2: Aha. That makes sense.
Jun 3 2012, 8:19 PM
Guest 1: Co-dependency is another false friendship? because the “strong” person takes responsibility for “saving” the other?
Jun 3 2012, 8:20 PM
Sister : Oh yes most definitely
Jun 3 2012, 8:20 PM
Sister: And the sad part is for many of us, many of our “best friends” fall into that co dependency category
Jun 3 2012, 8:21 PM
Sister : Youth ful friendships are often like that. We are still only developing then
Jun 3 2012, 8:21 PM
Guest 1: That happened to me recently. I “lost” A “friendship” that hadn’t been true for years and years.
Jun 3 2012, 8:21 PM
Sister : It still hurts very much
Jun 3 2012, 8:22 PM
Guest 2: Since my re-version back to the Church, many of those old friendships are gone from my life. That’s why I think I’m sort of shy and careful about starting over with my spiritual friends. I don’t think I’ve ever had any “real” friends before and I don’t want to mess it up!
Jun 3 2012, 8:22 PM
Sister : Marriages can also be less than “spiritual friendships” but if sacramental especially with that grace, they can grow
Jun 3 2012, 8:23 PM
Sister : The wonderful thing about a true friendship centered in Christ is that he takes over and the people don;t have to be perfect for the friendship to last
Sister : One more thing from St Francis: Friendship demands that we challenge our friends to be who and what they really are without ever implying in the challenge a withdrawal of our affection for them.”
Jun 3 2012, 8:36 PM
GUest 1: That’s the hard part. How do you challenge without judging?
Jun 3 2012, 8:36 PM
Sister : Evaluate but not judge
Jun 3 2012, 8:37 PM
Guest 2:: That gives me a lot to think about. This has been so helpful. Thank you
Jun 3 2012, 8:37 PM
Sister : There is a fine line and a dispositional difference
Sister : You’re welcome and thanks for chatting tonight!
Jun 3 2012, 8:38 PM
Guest 1: how can you tell which side of the line you’re on?
Sister: Emotions will be more even in evaluation, more heated in judgement