Sunday’s chat reflected the post about St. Francis de Sales advice on dealing with our antipathies. Here’s how some of it went!
R (guest): I tend to get like that when I hear people at work that talk about offensive stuff, so should I just ignore this?
Jul 22 2012, 7:30 PM
VisitationSiste: It is good first to say a short inward prayer before responding
R (guest): What I’ve been doing is when someone starts talking about stuff like that I pop my earbuds in and listen to Catholic radio or something instead generally they don’t talk like that to me.. but to each other
VisitationSiste: That sounds like a positive way
R (guest): they all call me “the nun” at work lol
VisitationSiste: Did you want to try to change the environment?
R (guest): so they know not to discuss stuff like that with me
J: when I hear someone say JC in a offensive way..swearing…I follow it in my head with MY LORD and Savior
C: I will usually walk away. If I can’t, like at work, I will repeat the phrase back to the person, minus the swear word.
C: Rachel, you’re right, you can’t. But you can model the right way by refusing to use the language yourself, and by softening your own words in response
R(guest): yes, I try to model the right way
VisitationSiste: These seem like healthy coping skills- what happens to your inner attitude toward those persons
R (guest): well, there was one woman who was obnoxious and still kind of is…. I started praying for her everytime I felt like that
Jul 22 2012, 7:35 PM
R (guest): so now I pray for her everyday and she got promoted to my team… so my team is only 3 people.. so I have to work real close with her now.. it’s funny though because now she’s started going to church
J: there seems to be a fine line between not looking too much like a holier than thou and not getting sucked into it
VisitationSiste: I believe the power of prayer was effective Rachel in the example you gave
VisitationSiste: If a few more like minded folks got together around these situations those situations might actually change thru that power of prayer
C: Isn’t being an “oddball” part of the deal in being a Christian goes?
Jul 22 2012, 7:39 PM
C: I mean, aren’t we supposed to stand out and be different?
G: I think this goes back the topic a few weeks ago. I thought a lot about it. I believe that we must try to do what we can where we are St Francis says bloom where you are planted. We have to try to be a light in our small social sphere.
Sister : To witness
Sister: Which also can be spelled martyr
Sister : I think we will be called upon each in our circles to be those lights and why we need support systems among ourselves
G: Yes, thank you Sister. It is also very hard. The more the years go by and the closer I get to Jesus, the more I see that it is like being a martyr to live in the world but not of it.
Sister : St Jane de Chantal always used to talk about the martydom of love
Sister : In a way, by trying to give good ex and hoping to influence others we can assess our work situations as martydoms of love
Sister : Because it is not easy to be the odd one out even if we walk in truth
J: I also worry though that in trying to be a martyr we can separate ourselves too much and lose the ability to witness
Jul 22 2012, 7:48 PM
Sister : Interesting. How so?
R (guest): but wouldn’t we witness by our lives, even if we’re not like them?
Jul 22 2012, 7:49 PM
Sister : So a gentler, subtler approach would be more effective
Jul 22 2012, 7:49 PM
J: maybe get too lost in proving our martyrdom and trying to hard to stand out that we become irrelevant
C: Isn’t witnessing different than trying to convince someone?
G: I think we must remember to be humble as well?
Sister : All good points- yes humility, definitely, and yes also witness can be silent
G: I don’t work so this may sound crazy to you others, but maybe sometimes if one person takes a stand, others who feel the same but are scared they are alone may feel brave enough to stand with you?
J: that’s on the order of what I meant …trying too hard can turn people off and we lost our ability to be a positive witness
Sister : But that’s clear to me now ; and trying too hard in anything at all usually is ineffective if there is not some balance there
G: Maybe it is sometimes in the one on one with another that is effective? Such as being kind and caring, showing our love for God, gently saying why we believe something. I would think the when we have encounters one on one, even if we think they believe we are crazy, maybe later they think about it more.
G: Tonight’s topic- does St Did St Francis mean people who are holy or not holy? I find the people I have trouble with are not holy. BUt maybe this topic adresses those who are holy but somehow we do not connect with them on some level?
Sister:The topic was initially adressing not others but our response to others
G: Oh, I see. What are we to do? Try to always respond with love?
R (guest): but if those who are not holy are who we are responding to, should we be around them to be able to ignore these feelings or should we avoid them?
C: They are still created in the image and likeness of God.
J: true but some people that seem to be so holy on outside are not at all on inside
R (guest): yes, but when they do things to purposely try to offend you… what then?
Sister : I think St Francis would be silent- I knowwhen he was taunted he bit his lip so to speak
Jul 22 2012, 7:59 PM
C: I read something recently that said, “If God has been patient with so and so thus far, who am I not to be?” Or something like that…
G: When someone purposely does that to me, I do not raise my voice or argue, I try harder to be patient because I feel like they are trying to create an argument which you are bound to lose in their eyes.
R(guest): What I’ve been doing is praying for them, and then avoiding for the most part
R(guest): but not when they talk to me
Jul 22 2012, 7:59 PM
Sister : Someone else questioned that and he responded that he did not want to lose in 15 min what it took him alifetime to build up-patience
Sister : and non angry responses
Jul 22 2012, 8:00 PM
C: That’s great!
G: I think that is what I notice about those holy people I admire, they are very loving, calm, quiet, and humble. Their love shines through.
J: yes Gwen…when you see it you know it right away
Jul 22 2012, 8:03 PM
Sister : That is a powerful witness and can disarm the one who is less balanced
C: Is St. Francis saying that instead of asking yourself why you have antipathy toward someone, you should try to not think about it at all. Just “change the subject” in your mind and not dwell on it?
Jul 22 2012, 8:13 PM
Sister : Yes that’s it- because he was of the opinion that we will convince ourselves we are in the right to have that antipathy
J: that’s what I got out of it also ..hard to do when you ahve a lock box brain like mine though haha
C: haha. me too
G: What if we are right to have antipathy? Just for arguments sake. Would we not still be called to respond with love?
Sister : Yes because he is also saying that we all have them- can’t get around it naturally, so love is the proper response