Chapter IV
If anyone wants to come after Me, let him carry his cross every day and follow me.
(St Luke, IX -23)
Postulancy – Novitiate
When a postulant crosses the threshold of the novitiate, she soon learns that she will be able to penetrate the religious spirit, only on the condition of no longer making any case of her personal way of seeing, of her tastes. , of her independence. A profound lesson of which it is not enough to know the theory, and which bears fruit only to the extent that one painfully tolerates the renunciations it imposes.
Sister Charlotte (this is how, during her postulate, we will call Miss Millet), felt the fight violently. Accustomed to reasoning, to realize the “why” of things, it cost her to bend silently and blindly, to the small observances and numerous subjugations of an Order with traditions. She had to take care to correct what, in her exterior, expressed too much self-confidence, the independent pace, to work from morning to evening to dominate her sensitivity, her shyness, her liveliness.
She experienced, even in her relationships with her Superiors, difficulty in opening herself up with the simplicity and filial confidence that St. Francis de Sales recommends to his daughters. In the world, she loved so much to wear in silence and without any other witness than Jesus, the cross of her infirmity and all its consequences, to keep for herself the little secrets of her intimacy with the good God; she now had to give an account of her physical and moral dispositions! Later, she will understand that these wise prescriptions are intended only to tear away from themselves all, by stripping them of all human beings, to allow them to unite with God without an intermediary. But then, it was with a strong force, that she had to give up her nature.
Thanks to a singular energy, supported by the grace of her vocation, Sister Charlotte managed to dominate herself, to the point of not being troubled and to recognize humbly and on the spot, the fault that was reproached to her, promising to make amends.
Receiving the Holy Habit
June 7, 1901 was the day of her taking of the Habit. She received the name of Sister Marie-Angelique, which filled her with joy. During the year of her novitiate, in charge of maintaining the lamps and regularly making different sweeps, small jobs which her delicate health made more painful to her than to others, she accomplished all the more conscientiously so that they favored her recollection. While going about it, she heard in the depths of her soul the voice of the Divine Master, revealing to her the greatness of the least act of subjection fulfilled supernaturally, and the emptiness of the most brilliant action done outside of Him. She learned at her school, what must be the whole and absolute gift of self, which excludes the most just little pursuit of personal satisfaction. These intimate teachings were often repeated, becoming day by day clearer, more precise, so that, while tasting sweetness, Sister Marie- Angelique was seized with a kind of terror, for fear of being the object of extraordinary favors, which she dreaded above all else. All her life she will feel, next to the graces which will be widely distributed to her, this fear of being in illusion and of deceiving those who are in charge of guiding her, an appreciable sign of the Safety of her way.
At that time, the devil who is used to exploiting the disorder, tried to throw her into despair and to make the yoke of religious life very heavy. She struggled with all her strength against the spirit of darkness, then a humble admission of her troubles to her watchful mistress managed to dispel them.
Given as an aid to the Sister Dépensière, the young novice found herself so much at ease in her humble labors that she thought for a moment her marked place among the lay sisters; the voice of her superiors dissuaded her; she did not the less keep a taste for the obscure tasks however.
Sacred Heart
The Monastery of the Visitation of Caen is the seat of an Archconfraternity affiliated to that of Montmartre; many adherents enrolled in it and received from the Work prayer sheets and objects of propaganda, tending to the extension of the Reign of the Sacred Heart. This job, which suited so well the spiritual attractions of Sister Marie-Angélique, was to become her field of action for several years. He was the mute witness of her fervor, and the burning invocations that came forth from her heart and lips, reflected her immense desire to set the souls of Our Lord’s love on fire.
She suffered a great deal, however, when she was asked to compose the sketch of an escutcheon wearing the Royal Coat. Was it hallucination or game of hell! every time she went to work, it was never without feeling strange fears or pursued by a noisy shadow, impressions which, on the advice of her Mistress of Novices, she was protecting herself by signing herself with holy water.
First Vows
Believing in a very high degree in the grace of her religious vocation, deeply attached to the Institute in which she had entered, Sister Marie-Angelique pronounced her vows on June 18, 1902, in the sentiments of boundless gratitude, and resolved to immolate herself, more than ever, by a fidelity of every moment to the Rule she was dedicated to.
For three years again she was to remain in the novitiate. As once in her family, amiable and playful, she was loved by her companions who, during breaks, teased her willingly, knowing well that she would not be embarrassed to answer their innocent jokes. They saw her quick to obey, faithful to humble herself with her slightest failings, clever at concealing her sufferings with a smile, but they did not know that Our Lord took care to instruct her Himself as a disciple, pursuing in secret what she called “her catechisms of Love.”
Read previous chapter here: https://visitationspirit.org/2018/11/life-of-sr-angelique-millet-vhm-chapter-3/