Chapter V
“I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled!
(St Luke, XII-49)
The nun
The Community which, in 1906, welcomed the young professed coming out of the novitiate, was going to have to help her build up the patience and smiling resignation, that Sister Marie-Angelique had to accept, during the long years of her religious life, with the the gradual development of a state of health which, by enduring continual suffering, would reduce her to extreme dependence on her sister nurses.
Before yielding to evil she will courageously go to the end of her strength, not sparing herself an additional fatigue when it comes to fulfilling her duty or an act of charity, or responding to a solicitation of grace.
Having abandoned a support which was indispensable to her, and prolonged kneeling beyond measure, Sister Marie-Angélique was reduced one morning to being unable to respond to the signal of the rising. It was only after a six-month stay in the infirmary, and helped by a new orthopedic appliance, that she was able to return to regular life, but this was at the cost of increased pain. The normal walk being painful to her, she had to take a certain momentum, when she had to go through the cloisters to go from one place to another. This pace could not, however, suit her reaching the choir in time, nor in the regular places, so it resulted in a great suffering that she bore with gentleness. In order to be with the community for the morning prayer, she had to arise earlier than others.
To these physical pains were added strange torments, of which her Superior alone was the only witness, and which resembled a diabolical game; it was common to find in her cell overturned furniture . None of her sisters noticed these facts, nor did they hear the din accompanying them, except for the Sister Nurse who was treating her and her prudent Superior, whose cell was close to hers.
Later, she will use a cane, then crutches, finally from 1921, her legs refusing any service, she will not leave her wheelchair, only to be driven in a wheelchair to the community exercises .
Her Work
Charged with mending , then making “small works”, she appreciated her long moments of silence, so filled for her with the Divine Presence; it was in a continual prayer that she actively ran her needle, deepening in the light from above the sufferings of Our Lord, and the immensity of His Merciful Love. In 1911, the direction of the novices was entrusted to her. Her zeal for the Rule led her to train her novices with great fidelity. Her lessons were above all about humility, a virtue dear to the Heart of Jesus, which she had herself learned . It taught beginners not to be troubled to recognize themselves imperfect, the Divine Savior is always ready to forgive and welcome with kindness, the soul who regrets his fault and is prepared to repair it.
Kind and compassionate, she understood the difficulties of those who take their first steps in the austere path of perfection, and supported them with her delicate advice and attentions. Her Superiors wisely advised her to draw the instructions she gave to her novices, from the Gospel and the writings of the Holy Founders of the Order. She never referred to what she personally learned in her life of intimacy with Our Lord.
Discharged from this job after four years, she spent some time in the novitiate as Assistant to her former Superior, who became Mistress of Novices, and then gave herself to organized work to help poor churches. Her brush, very skillful, painted a large number of ornaments, chasubles, stoles, canopies purses, blades, etc … Knowing her talent and knowing she was always willing to serve, her Sisters often went to her for help. Whether it was a work to finish, an accident to repair, or an attraction to be satisfied, she graciously received the solicitor and immediately began to satisfy her.
Her Sufferings
It was not always easy for her to do her job; when she was immobilized on her wheelchair, she could not have everything she needed at hand, many times having dropped her brush she had to wait for the visit of a charitable sister to recover it; at other times it was the difficulty of moving the great works she was working on, which obliged her to wait for help from others. She never showed impatience; the multiple subjugations of every moment were for her means of sanctification and precious money, to obtain for the souls the graces they need. This cross of a great dependency Sister Marie-Angelique had seen come gradually, as her sufferings increased, and her whole being had shuddered, many times not feeling the courage , she had addressed to Heaven this prayer of Our Lord: “If it is possible for this chalice to pass away from me”, but confused by the lack of generosity compared to what the Divine Savior endured for us, she added like Him, in giving full effect to his crucifying action: “May your will be done, and not mine. ”
In her small infirmary room: under the sole gaze of God, she performed innumerable acts of virtue. Very obedient, she allowed her nurses to treat her as they wanted. If they asked her advice on this subject: “As you wish, my sister” was her usual answer. Never expressing regret at not being able to follow the common life, or having become incapable of serving herself, one would have thought her indifferent to a situation which, however, was very painful to her. It was because Our Lord had asked her not to stop at what concerned her personally, to reserve all her power to suffer, to be sympathetic to his Great Pain, the one that caused him, in the Garden of Gethsemane, the weight of all the iniquities of the world.